The Bias That Keeps The Hard Workers Away
Perhaps the bias keeping some of our hardest workers away isn't about capability at all. Perhaps it's our discomfort with humanity itself.
I've avoided writing about race and gender for most of my career. Not because they don't matter, but because I've never wanted to become the story. I'd much rather spend my time building things than talking about the barriers that exist when building them. However, I've been thinking recently about the people we unintentionally filter out of our workplaces and whether we're losing more than we realise.
Women are taught very early to manage not only their work, but often the comfort of the people around them. We're expected to be competent, but not intimidating. Passionate, but not emotional. Assertive, but not aggressive. Warm, but not too soft. Ambitious, but not difficult. We're expected to smile. Research has found that women are disproportionately criticised for their demeanour at work and are significantly more likely to be told to smile than their male colleagues (Georgetown University, 2023). Women are also more likely to undertake emotional labour in the workplace by managing relationships, smoothing conflict and creating psychological comfort for those around them (St. Catherine University, 2024).
There is also an awkwardness to womanhood that we rarely acknowledge professionally. Women quietly work through debilitating menstrual pain because that's simply what's expected of them. Others navigate pregnancy whilst worrying about how it may impact opportunities. Pregnancy discrimination remains a significant issue in the UK. Research published by the Equality and Human Rights Commission found that around one in nine mothers reported being dismissed, made compulsorily redundant where others were not, or treated so poorly that they felt forced to leave their jobs. Scaled across the wider population, this could represent as many as 54,000 mothers each year.
Whilst this article is partly about women, I don't think it's only about women. It's about humanity.
Perhaps the bias keeping some of our hardest workers away isn't about capability at all. Perhaps it's our discomfort with humanity itself.
Emotion Is Not the Enemy
Somewhere along the way we've started treating emotion as though it's the enemy of good work, when often it's the very thing that produces our best work. Empathy builds great products. Creativity requires curiosity. Kindness creates psychological safety. Passion changes industries. None of those things are emotionless pursuits.
I've sat in meetings where people have shouted at colleagues, sworn across rooms and displayed behaviour that would never be described as emotional. Yet let a woman become tearful whilst navigating difficult circumstances and suddenly emotion becomes a professional failing. It's fascinating what we choose to label as emotional and who we choose to apply that label to.
God forbid you're an emotional Black woman. The very same passion that may be celebrated in others can quickly become aggression when filtered through unconscious bias. Numerous studies have found that Black women are more likely to have their emotions misinterpreted and experience stereotypes such as being labelled angry or aggressive in professional environments. There is an exhaustion that comes with constantly considering not only what you say, but how much of yourself you're allowed to bring into the room.
What I'm Teaching My Children
As a mother of two boys, I've made it my mission to teach them that emotion isn't something to overcome. They're affectionate, creative and wonderfully expressive little humans and I hope they remain that way. I don't want the world to teach them that boys shouldn't cry, nor do I want it teaching little girls that leadership requires leaving parts of themselves at the door. Research has repeatedly demonstrated that emotional intelligence is positively associated with leadership effectiveness, creativity and workplace performance. Humanity isn't a weakness to be managed. It's often our greatest strength.
We've Outsourced Our Humanity
Sometimes I wonder whether we've become so uncomfortable with humanity that we've outsourced it. We pay consultants to explain why people are unhappy. We pay lawyers to explain why something was inappropriate. We pay investigators to explain why workplace cultures have become toxic. Yet we rarely stop to ask whether ordinary human consideration could have prevented many of these issues long before they required professional intervention.
You don't need to be a lawyer to know that shouting at an employee isn't acceptable. You don't need a consultant to understand that excluding someone is harmful. You don't need years of leadership training to appreciate that kindness matters.
The irony is that the very qualities we attempt to remove from our workplaces are often the things that drive innovation. Human beings don't create extraordinary things despite their humanity. They create them because of it.
A Small Request
So if you're reading this, I have a small request. Give your colleagues grace. Don't expect people to smile every second of every day when you don't hold yourself to the same standard. Allow people to be human. Allow people to feel. Allow people to be passionate. You'll often find that's where the creativity lives.